NEW YORK—Issuing a public statement for immediate release, Weight Watchers announced they had gone totally ham on some nachos at approximately 10 p.m. Monday and that’s okay, they’re not going to beat themselves up over it. “Just so everyone knows, last night we absolutely housed a huge plate of nachos, they were fully loaded, and we’re fine with it,” read the statement, which went on to reiterate the company’s mission of providing a dieting framework without prohibiting so-called “bad foods,” like a towering mound of tortilla chips completely smothered in cheese, refried beans, chorizo, guacamole, ground beef, black olives, peppers, and sour cream. “Did we use up 750% of our points for the day by inhaling an oversized platter of nachos and washing it down with a couple of beers? Yes, we did. You’re allowed to have those things on Weight Watchers so long as it’s a reasonable portion, but sometimes when you’re planning to eat only part of the serving, the chips get stuck together with all that melted Monterey Jack and it’s hard to find a natural stopping point. Sure, we might have blown our points for the whole week, but you know what? It was incredibly fucking satisfying.” At press time, Weight Watchers announced they’d be back on track as soon as they finished off the huge stack of pancakes and bagels in front of them, stating that it would be rude not to.