In the summer of 1990, Mike Graham and Heather Keane said goodbye to their parents and embarked on a four-year journey at the Naval Academy.
Thirty-two years later this weekend, they returned to the Yard as parents to say goodbye to their daughter Darby as she concludes Plebe Summer and enters the institution in the Class of 2026. While their oldest son Connor, 24, serves in the Coast Guard, Darby, the youngest of five, is their first child to follow in her parents’ footsteps by attending the Naval Academy.
After arriving at the academy in late June for Induction Day, Darby’s last few weeks have been spent participating in the grueling Plebe Summer training course to prepare first-year students for the military.
On Friday morning, Darby was one of about 1,200 plebes who greeted their loved ones after having almost no contact over the past six weeks, only being allowed three phone calls the entire time, said Elizabeth Wrightson, director of media relations at the Naval Academy. Friday, Saturday and Sunday will be one of only a few chances they have to be off campus this year as plebes are not allowed to walk off the Yard during the school year.
As Darby and her classmates, all dressed in pristinely maintained white uniforms were met by an eruption of cheers from a group of waiting parents, The Grahams heartily embraced their daughter. The moment was a near identical scene to one captured in August 1990, on the front page of The Capital when Mike Graham was photographed hugging his mother Patricia following his Plebe Summer training.
Six weeks ago, Mike Graham, who graduated from the academy in 1994, would have much rather participated in Plebe Summer again than be the one to say goodbye to his daughter, he said. “Ignorance is definitely bliss in a circumstance like that.”
“It’s harder to be at home,” said Heather Keane Graham, who also graduated in 1994. “It’s harder to be the person that’s left behind.”
Between obstacle courses, firearm training, swimming and lots and lots of running, Darby Graham said her petite 5-foot-3 frame had gained about 20 lbs along with aches in her toes, ankles, shins and shoulders.
“I did not know I could be this sore in my entire life,” Darby Graham said.
After the elation of being reunited with her parents, she experienced a pang of homesickness talking about what she misses most about El Paso: her French bulldog pup Remus. Heather assured Darby the feeling is mutual. It took Remus about a month to stop going to Darby’s room and crying, she said.
“He’s very attached to me,” Darby said. “He sleeps in my bed with me so the first night [of Plebe Summer] he wasn’t there and it was really hard.”
The Grahams said they were comforted after talking to Commandant of Midshipmen Col. J.P. McDonough on Induction Day who assured the parents Plebe Summer is different now than it was in the 1990s, designed to apply positive pressure with a purpose.
“When we were plebes they just yelled and screamed at you because they could,” Mike Graham said. “It wasn’t always for a reason.”
Though the training has changed slightly, he said, now featuring a rock wall and more extensive martial arts practice, it’s generally the same structure. It’s the time at the academy when plebes learn how to transition from being civilians to military personnel, he said.
Both former surface warfare officers, Mike and Heather Graham have long military histories in their families and have passed down their passion for service to their kids. However, Connor Graham’s experience in the military was the tipping point in getting Darby interested in going to Annapolis.
“Up until my sophomore year of high school, I was pretty set that I was not going to come here. There was no chance,” she said, but she slowly came around to the idea. “I got interested in cybersecurity and government and it just piled on and then Connor went to boot camp.”
It didn’t hurt that Darby was already familiar with the city. Mike and Heather took the kids to visit Annapolis several times as they were growing up.
“We just have a very sort of rose-colored glasses look at Naptown,” Mike Graham said. “It’s just a really wonderful place to be from at that stage of your life and I just don’t know any grads that don’t feel that same way.”
During their visits, the parents would take the kids to visit Lejeune Hall to see Heather’s accolades for sailing, then visit Rams Head to see Mike’s accolades for “drinking a lot of beer.”
“I spent most of my time at Rams Head,” he said.
While the couple enjoyed their time at the Naval Academy, they said they’re happy Darby is starting there in 2022 and not in 1990 due to advancements for women in the military that took place over the past three decades. The class of 1994 was 13% women while Darby’s class will be about 28% women, Wrightson said.
“Every class before us that had women, so ’80 to ’93, women were limited in what they could do in the Navy or the Marine Corps by law,” Mike said. “I’m much happier with the environment that she is going to be in as opposed to the environment that Heather and our classmates were in.”
“There were some that didn’t believe that women belonged here,” Heather said, excited about all the new opportunities that will be available to Darby.
Darby Graham said she aims to become either a naval aviator or work in cyber operations.
Mike, Heather and Darby will reunite again to attend the Army-Navy football game in Philadelphia on Dec. 10. The annual rivalry game is the event Darby Graham is most excited about during her plebe year, she said, noting it’s the only football game she watches.
“I don’t even watch the Super Bowl,” she said.
For now, Darby is just happy to be dining somewhere other than the midshipmen cafeteria at King Hall for a weekend. First stop: a seafood restaurant at City Dock.
“I want a real steak that’s not a piece of leather,” she said.
