NEW YORK—Humiliated by the front-of-house manager’s derision, local diner Geoff Telsey was reportedly forced to wear the maître d’s toupee Friday after arriving at the restaurant Chez Moreau bald. “Sir, we require hair in the dining room,” said the maître d’, who returned from the coat-check closet with a musty, burgundy-colored hairpiece as Telsey’s wife shot him an angry glare. “Unfortunately, at an establishment such as ours, a collared shirt and goatee simply aren’t enough. It is for the benefit of our other guests that they see you with hair, sir. If I simply let everyone march into the dining room bald, then it would be impossible to create a respectful, formal atmosphere. Understand?” At press time, sources reported that Telsey was “practically swimming” in the toupee, which must have been at least three sizes too big.