Celebs

Mandy Patinkin and Kathryn Grody – social media’s favorite parents – talk love, ‘Troubles,’ sex and baseball

Ahead of their anniversary — and a stop in New England — the couple drops truth about the ups and downs of marriage.

By Lauren Daley

April 12, 2024

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When I get a call from Mandy Patinkin, he and his wife Kathryn Grody are in their apartment in New York City, he tells me, “sitting at the dining room table where I’m not allowed to put my baseball cap on the glass thing that’s over the candelabra.”

“Yeah, because it makes it awful,” Grody says. 

Classic. 

This is why nearly a half million of us follow the couple on Instagram, and more than 2 million follow on TikTok.

One of the keenest eyes on social media belongs to their son, Gideon Grody-Patinkin.

He’s able to so beautifully capture the profound love, family bickering, irreverent humor and eccentricities of his parents’ daily life — whether Patinkin is singing to himself while hiking, or he and Grody are fixing a lamp, or fiddling with their phones. (“I managed to lose Nancy’s email just like that … Un-f—ing-believable.”) It’s one of the most wholesome, oddly entertaining, and authentic social media accounts out there.

“You know, Lauren, there’s a lot of inauthentic sh—” on social media, Grody, 77, tells me. “We’re not that.”

“We’re authentic sh—,” Patinkin, 71, quips with a guffaw.

I spoke to the social media stars as they ready to bring “A Conversation with Mandy Patinkin & Kathryn Grody moderated by their son, Gideon Grody-Patinkin” to its one New England stop: New London, Connecticut’s Garde Arts Center on Sunday, April 14.

Essentially, they’re bringing their social media feed on the road.

“If you’re doing nothing, and want to come to see nothing, come see us,” Patinkin tells me with a laugh. 

“Each show is different. We never have any idea what Gideon’s going to ask us to do — though I told him I would not put on the fish outfit again,” Grody adds.

You might know Patinkin from “The Princess Bride,” Showtime’s multiple Emmy-winner “Homeland,” or Hulu’s new “Death and Other Details.” Grody is an award-winning theater actor and writer. They married in 1980 and raised two sons, Gideon and Isaac. 

When Patinkin and Grody stop in New England for their “family show,” as they call it, it will be just two days before an anniversary: April 16 marks their first date in 1978.

We talked about that first date, their “Troubles” — two separations — how long-term relationships are like baseball … and I’ll let them tell you the rest. Because letting these two be themselves just works.

Boston.com: So how did this family show come together?

Grody: Oh, God. It’s so weird, Laura —

Patinkin: Lauren.

Grody: Lauren, sorry.

[laughs] It’s OK.

Patinkin: We’re very old.

Grody: No, he’s very old. I was answering a text, Lauren, and I always kill my sons for double-tasking. But we were asked a year or two ago to speak at a temple in Cleveland. We didn’t know why. What would we speak about? Fine, they’re going to pay us to fly out there. This nice guy interviewed us, and it was not unenjoyable. Then we were asked to do another. Mandy had the idea, “Wouldn’t it be fun if Gideon interviewed us?” When Gideon found out it was paid employment, he said, “Sure.” I think this is our sixth show.

Patinkin: We’re past six. I think seven or eight.

Grody: Oh my God. Gideon works really hard. He works on these yellow legal pads with a million ideas — not one show has been alike. On Valentine’s Day a year ago, he put up a screen with animals mating. 

[laughs]

Patinkin: [laughs]

Grody: He asks us questions that surprise us. We keep waiting for the ball to drop. For a show to be a disaster.

What has he asked that caught you off-guard?

Grody: Well, we can’t remember anything, Lauren.

Patinkin: [laughs loudly] 

Grody: Once he asked us to slowly walk towards each other and look in each other’s eyes, while he played the bouzouki and wandered around us. It was terrifying.

[laughs] I bet.

Patinkin: You know, the social media — I don’t know how to do it. But Gideon would take out his phone and say “Family archives.” The pandemic came, he made that first video about us arguing. He said, “Can I put this online?” Everybody was terrified of dying during the pandemic; he thought it would make people smile. Boom — overnight, the social media world was born for us. He said, “Let’s, let’s keep making people happy,” and — and I don’t remember where I was going with this.

Grody: It was something about—

Patinkin: Oh, I know what I was going to say!

Grody: There he goes.

Patinkin: So he knows how to push our buttons; he understands us. Online, he can edit what’s not appropriate. But in a live show, we’re working without an editor. The editor there is our love and trust for each other as a family. At the end of the day, that’s what makes people even bother to click — because we do love each other.

Grody: In a world that’s blasting hatred and vitriol on these different platforms, there’s a little bit of an antidote — actually this sounds pretty pretentious as I’m saying it. 

Patinkin: [laughs]

[laughs]

Grody: I’m just thinking that this is a way of people sharing humanity and family issues. There’s not any massive grotesque human behavior.

Patinkin: Speak for yourself. I’m known for my massive grotesque human behavior.

[laughs]

Grody: That is not true, Lauren. That is such a lie. Oh my God.

[laughs] So before these shows, you two hadn’t worked together since you met in a theater production in 1978.

Grody: The only thing I was sure of in my 20s was I was gonna have a life in the theater. I was gonna be a mom. I would never date an actor. I felt one in the family was enough — and I was right about that in many ways. 

Patinkin: And you didn’t like musical theater.

Grody: I was a theater snob. Things change. You can surprise yourself. 

What changed your mind about not dating an actor?

Grody: Well, I was the older established off-Broadway person. He was the young kid everybody was talking about. I’d seen him do a couple of things. I saw him do something brilliant. Then I saw him do something awful, and I couldn’t believe how brave he was. So when Michael Weller asked me to do a play, I said no, I was going to Europe. He said “It’s only two weeks.” I said “Who’s in it?” [He said a few names], and Mandy Patinkin. I said, “Oh, that kid! He’s interesting. I’ll do it.”

After a few days, Michael asked what I thought. I said, “I love working with him. Oh, you mean for me personally? Forget it. Michael, he’s a baby. He’s an actor. He’s a little bit crazy. No. The next person I’m with is the father of my kids.” That shows you the wisdom of being in your 20s.

Mandy, what did you think?

Patinkin: We were doing this play, and there was a scene we had together in an Italian restaurant, the red-and-white checkered tablecloth, and we began to improvise all those things people say when they’re flirting, coming on to each other. It went on for 45 minutes. 

But I’d been burned once before by dating a person I was working with, so I had a strict rule that I wouldn’t [ask someone out until the play] was over. I remember getting ready to go on stage, having a panic attack. She was looking at me. I was quite fascinated with her and falling in love with her. 

I waited until that last performance was over. We had our first date at the Black Sheep Tavern on April 16, 1978. That’s what we consider our real anniversary. I brought her little yellow button mums. I walked into the tavern — and she’s shaking her head as I’m telling you this story because, like all my stories, she has a different version. 

Grody: Oh my God.

Patinkin: I said. “I’m gonna marry you.” She said, “You don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re an actor, you’re a baby, you’re going to get hurt.” [laughs] I’m laughing because she’s going out of her f—ing mind right now. She can’t stand any story I tell!

Grody: Oh my God.

[laughs] 

Patinkin: I’m completely wrong. I don’t have anything correct. I will shut up and let you talk to my wife.

Grody: It’s all right, Lauren, we don’t have time. Give me your email. I’ll tell you what actually happened.

In a nutshell what happened? 

Grody: In a nutshell what happened was —

Patinkin: Ahhhh! [laughs loudly]

Grody: This guy — on the last day of the play — gives me a card that says:
“My love, my hopes, my fears, my everything.” I had not had coffee with him.

[laughs]

Patinkin: [laughs]

Grody: He gives me a present — something soft — I didn’t want to open it in front of him in case I hated it. I got home; I called him: “Mandy, I love, love, love the shawl. And I like the blouse.” He said, “You hated the blouse, huh?  Well, I’ve never bought clothes for a woman before. I wasn’t sure about the blouse.” We made a date for breakfast the next day, I had to tell him how to get to the Village, which was another black mark. 

Patinkin: [laughs]

Grody: He walked in. The part about the mums is true. Before he sits down, he says, “I have one thing to say to you before we eat: I’m going to marry you.” I said, “Well, I’m sorry, you’re gonna get very hurt, because I don’t believe in marriage.” Then I gave him my whole Russian anarchist lecture.

Patinkin: [laughs]

Grody: We had our first kiss on the corner, and there was an older Black man who said, “Love. Ain’t it beautiful?” And I was so relieved I liked the kiss because I was with this crazy person who thought he was gonna marry me. Then we spent the rest of the day walking and weeping.

Patinkin: Parents.

Grody: My parents died in ’72. His father died in ’72. He said, “There’s only one thing that frightens me more than having a relationship, which is losing you.” I said, “That’s what everybody says when they first meet me. Just wait.”

Patinkin: There was a reflection pool.

Grody: No, no, no, no, no, no.  That was a whole different thing. Oh my God.

Patinkin: If you come to the show, this is what you hear: You hear me say something, and then you hear Kathryn for the next 20 minutes correcting me. I’m just fascinated that people even come to this. There’s no show, no music, no dancing. The last show was a 2,000-seat theater and it sold out. When the lights came on, and Kathryn saw that the place was full, she screamed and somebody thought something terrible had happened. [laughs]

[laughs] Classic.

Grody: I had no idea there were that many people there. The mic was still on [when I screamed].

Patinkin: [laughs]

Coming up on 46 years since your first date: What do you think it is about your relationship that works?

[long pause]

Patinkin: We can’t answer! [laughs] Want to just say the sex?

Grody: Oh my God.

[laughs]

Patinkin: Let’s just say the sex. [laughs]

Grody: I cannot stand this.

[laughs]

Patinkin: [laughs]

Grody: I think we deeply love each other. We have a deep connection, soulful… 

Patinkin: We’re each other’s soulmates.

Grody: Always have been. 

Mandy: Even through our “Troubles.”

Grody: We separated twice. We called it our “Troubles.”  

Mandy: Two separations, six weeks and eight weeks, and we talked every day. Kathryn gave me a ring on our 25th anniversary — it’s got two bumps on it for our Troubles.

Wow, I love that.

Patinkin: We couldn’t stay away from each other. My interpretation of the Troubles was: “Okay, these things are annoying. They’re going to be there. They’re not going away. So let’s just get on with it, with the annoyances.”

That’s beautiful.

Patinkin [to Grody]: See, she loves what I said? Can you say something she’ll love?

[laughs]

Grody: Somebody once had a very intense experience with Mandy and said, “How do you live with that?” I said, well, the bigger question is, how do I live without it?

Patinkin: I don’t care whether you get married or who you’re with — I think you’re a human being and you need company. It’s nice that somebody’s nearby in another room. It’s even nicer to have that someone be someone who’s been with you over long periods of time, through all kinds of situations. It’s one of the pleasures of living. I don’t care whether you call it marriage or just sharing life. 

There’s billions of people in this world — why do you choose that one? You choose that one because. And you hope your instinct was correct. Then it takes work. And you hope that when you drop the ball, the other will pick it up, and vice-versa. You hope you pick the right ballplayer, who knows how to catch when it’s their turn to catch, and throw when it’s their turn to throw.

Wow. That’s good.

Grody: That was really good.

Patinkin: I impressed both of you that time! [laughs] I never used the baseball image before in an interview. 

You used it beautifully.

Patinkin: In baseball, everything can change in a split-second. One single, almost unseeable moment and the emotions of both teams, the nature of everything can change. The whole thing can flip around in seconds. That’s marriage. You go out there and try. And the good thing is: There’s another game tomorrow. 

Wow.

Grody: Two!

Patinkin: Woooooo! [claps] Wow!! 

Grody: I’m gonna hear about this for a long time.

 [laughs] That was incredible.

Grody: You know, I always hated that idea that two become one. He is who he is, I am who I am, and then you are who you are together. 

That’s so true. 

Patinkin: That’s the key to longevity: that two individuals stay individuals and true to themselves. If you are not true to yourself, you have nothing to bring to the world around you. You need to take care of yourself in the most selfish yet generous way — and it’s not easy. 

Grody: The balance is in letting go of the essential parts of the other person that may not be your cup of tea. 

Patinkin: Life is really short. That’s frighteningly true. 

Grody: You don’t want to waste it.

Lauren Daley is a freelance writer. She can be reached at [email protected]. She tweets @laurendaley1, and Instagrams at @laurendaley1.