Alex Garland’s newest dystopian film, which takes place in the not-so-distant future, follows a team of military-embedded journalists as they travel across the country during America’s second Civil War. The Onion asked conservatives how they felt about the film, and this is what they said.
“Domestic terrorism is way more fun than they make it seem.”
“Really confusing. Now I’m not sure which of my neighbors I’m supposed to turn on.”
“Why are we sending weapons to Ukraine when Utah desperately needs javelins to stop Vegas from advancing?”
“It was insensitive to cast actors who have never even taken over a government building.”
“Loved a lot of the blocking with wide shots, but I was really confused about the rationale for why it was happening.”
“Watching all that violence in Washington, D.C. makes me nostalgic.”
“The ‘woke’ media has gone too far putting Kirsten Dunst in pants.”
“Its stark portrayal of a war-torn and divided America made me frightened that it may never actually come true.”
“It really dodges the important questions of how we got there and how we could have done so faster.”
“If I have to see myself represented in the popular media by Jesse Plemons one more time…”
“Just another typical Hollywood fantasy where journalists don’t eat babies.”
“It wasn’t ‘Sound Of Freedom,’ so I hated it.”
“I knew if there was another civil war, Kirsten Dunst would be involved somehow.”
“I don’t need a movie that turns the idea of a nation torn apart by violence into a morality tale.”
“I wish it wasn’t so vague and just came out and told us if liberals are supposed to be King Kong or Godzilla.”
“A stunning exploration of what could happen if we allow A24 to go unchecked.”
“Now people are going to think we’re just copying the movie.”