Readers Say

Sharky Mark, Fin Affleck, David Orteeth: Here’s what Boston.com readers would name a shark

If you hate puns, the following lists are not for you.

This undated photo provided by the Atlantic White Shark Conservancy shows great white shark Turbo. Atlantic White Shark Conservancy via AP

By Heather Alterisio

Shark season is alive and well along the Cape, and Boston.com readers are locked in — tracking sightings online and via the Sharktivity app.

Since 2014, researchers from the Atlantic White Shark Conservancy and the Massachusetts Division of Marine Fisheries have cataloged more than 600 tagged and untagged individual Northwest Atlantic white sharks in the conservancy’s White Shark Logbook.

Just last week, working with the conservancy, Greg Skomal, senior fisheries scientist at the state fisheries division, tagged three sharks. Watch a video below:

AWSC, alongside the state fisheries division and the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth, also released a new study declaring Cape Cod as one of the biggest hotspots for white sharks in the world.

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As part of efforts to identify and track white sharks, researchers assign each shark a name.

More on sharks:

With hundreds of sharks, the names range from descriptive — Broken Tail and Scarred Face, for example — to human-like monikers — Amy, Casey, Frank — to celebrity — Gronk and Snoop Dogg — to punny and creative — Sharkuterie, Amelia Finhart, and Heady Chomper.

We asked readers to not only vote on their favorite among the sharks already included in the logbook — Sharkuterie won by a landslide — but also to come up with their best shark name suggestions. And readers did not hold back.

Fair warning, if you hate puns, the following lists are not for you.

OK, let’s dive in.

Out of the dozens of submissions we received via our online poll and social media, two names were consistently suggested in varying forms: Mark Wahlberg and Whitey Bulger.

The latter name speaks for itself (and we received more than a dozen submissions just suggesting the late crime boss‘s name as is). As for Wahlberg, perhaps, he was just meant to be a shark in another life. Whether or not that’s true, multiple readers suggested the following names with the actor in mind:

  • Sharky Mark
  • Shark Wahlberg
  • Mark Jawlberg

Marky Mark wasn’t the only celebrity readers had in mind though. The following are some of our favorite submissions:

Themes of notable Massachusetts people and places:

  • Masssharkchusetts
  • Finway Shark (multiple submissions)
  • Jaws Bridge
  • Fin Affleck (multiple submissions)
  • Sharklie Baker
  • David Orteeth
  • Juli-fin Edelman
  • Bill Bite-a-chunk
  • Dust-fin Pedroia (multiple submissions)
  • Kev-fin Garnett
  • Shark Bellhorn

More celebrities and notable people:

  • Sharkira … Fins Don’t Lie!
  • Queen Lateethah
  • Sharkille O’Neal
  • Tooth Baiter Finsberg
  • Finjamin Franklin
  • Fin Diesel
  • Toothpac Sharkur
  • MC Hammerhead (multiple submissions)
  • Joe Bite’n/President Biten
  • Bitehoven
  • SteFIN Spielberg

Other shark- and ocean-themed puns:

  • Alex Kinter Was Delicious
  • Teethal Weapon
  • Chompzilla
  • Toothsome
  • RipTide
  • Jawsmin
  • Joan of Shark
  • Eat Me Baby One More Time
  • Spicy Tuna
  • Reality Bites
  • “Baby Shark 🦈 of course. And you’re welcome for the song in your head!”

At least one person on Facebook wasn’t having the shark puns, and instead suggested “Mike, maybe Ted. I’d keep it informal, that way, when he’s eying me up to devour me kayak first, I can yell ‘Knock it off Mike!!’ instead of something complicated like William Sharkner or Sir Kenneth FINley III.”

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For anyone that may be interested in naming a shark, the conservancy has a fundraising program that allows community members to name a tagged shark in exchange for a $2,500 donation to cover the cost of a research trip.

Boston.com occasionally interacts with readers by conducting informal polls and surveys. These results should be read as an unscientific gauge of readers’ opinion.