Emily and Jason are on their way to visit Emily’s parents at their house in Michigan. The parents are Korean, and Jason has brought them a gift because he read on the Internet that gift-giving is a Korean hospitality tradition. Emily’s parents were born in the U.S. and were anarchist performance artists in the nineteen-sixties, leaving small boxes filled with razor blades on windowsills. Jason’s gift is a small box filled with a three-pack of decorative tea towels. Also, Emily is pregnant and hasn’t told anyone!
Albert is going on a writers’ retreat to work on his manuscript, which is about a college professor having an affair with his student. The manuscript is five-hundred-and-fifty-thousand words long, completely typewritten, and stored in luggage that must be shipped to the retreat. Upon arrival, Albert realizes that his luggage has been switched by Delta with another writer’s, whose five-hundred-and-fifty-thousand-word, typewritten manuscript is about a student having an affair with her professor. Workshops at the retreat are very awkward.
Luisa is hosting a piñata party for her daughter, who is turning eight. Upon arrival, one of the other moms, Allison, suggests that, instead of hitting the piñata with a stick, they slowly unwrap each layer of the piñata, so that the children learn to respect animals. The piñata in question is shaped like SpongeBob. The adults are forced to sit for hours watching their children ravenously tear SpongeBob limb from limb with their bare hands.
Devon has moved to a new city with his boyfriend, Andrew, who still identifies as straight. Before the first box is opened, they make love repeatedly, because it’s a new apartment and everyone is excited, until they are interrupted by the IKEA delivery person, who brings even more unopened boxes. By bedtime, no constructive progress has been made, either psychologically or literally, and they sleep on a mattress on the floor.
For her bridal shower, Kelly has requested clear-wrapped gifts, hoping to cut down on scandalous presents. However, Kelly previously cancelled the bachelorette party because she “doesn’t do that sort of thing,” so her friends have passive-aggressively purchased her four vibrators, two sets of edible underwear, and one silly straw in the shape of a penis, which they have no qualms about displaying out in the open for the duration of the event. Everyone at the bridal shower is white.
It is Pride Month, and Janice has ordered Chick-fil-A for a company meeting. The trays of chicken sandwiches arrive tightly wrapped in excessive Saran, with napkins and forks that are all individually packaged in plastic, which everyone agrees is terrible for the environment.
Bernard is a bisexual, biracial beekeeper, and though Bernard’s business is booming, he simply cannot be bothered to properly beautify the buzzing bees’ boudoirs. The bees, whose eighty-five nests are overflowing with honey, are beginning to wonder if this is because they recently unionized.
Annette is a sixteen-year-old girl who loves Magic: The Gathering. She has a very meticulous system for collecting, sorting, and storing her cards in binders and plastic sleeves. There’s really nothing going on with Annette, except that she is an only child and sometimes plays Magic: The Gathering alone, against herself.
