ERIE, PA—Pushing back against what he viewed as an overly hysterical media narrative, Trump supporter Tom Nagle whispered his assertion Monday that poll watching is not intimidation into the ear of a man filling out a ballot. “Keeping an eye on what’s going on at the polls is simply a way to ensure that the election is conducted fairly,” said an armed Nagle, his hot breath reportedly palpable on the prospective voter’s neck as he continually issued assurances that he was merely there to safeguard democracy. “There’s nothing untoward or illegal about this—me and my fellow poll watchers here are simply making sure that there’s not any funny business and nobody’s tampering with the electoral process. Now you just sit there and think long and hard about whether that’s really the best candidate for our country.” At press time, Nagle had beaten the man unconscious after he was unable to immediately produce a voter ID.