Question: I want to share my story with you in hopes that it may help other families. When our parents died, my brother was the executor. It was a difficult process and my sister and I were extremely frustrated with him. There were many unnecessary delays in settling things and we never quite knew what he was doing and when. We finally finished up the estate. You know what I most regret some 20 years after my parents’ deaths? My sister and I were so angry with my brother and so frustrated by the process, we took very little in terms of my parents’ personal property. I felt like I didn’t need extra “stuff,” so I choose some jewelry and a piece of art to keep. The rest was sold at an estate sale or donated to charity. But, Liza, I think back and I wish I had taken more! Silly things like the little blue butter dish my mom always had at the table, or a wrought iron coat tree they bought when we were out shopping together. The few things I have of theirs bring back such wonderful memories, I just wish I had more things to bring back memories.
Also, what was sold brought in so little cash! Now that the cash is spent or invested, it is somehow gone, too. Tell your readers that while they may not want more “stuff” they may regret not having more of their beloved parent’s stuff around to remind them of good times.
Answer: Well said, thank you. Unfortunately, we are forced to make decisions when we are dealing with grief and, in your case, frustration. I advise clients who have recently lost a loved one to wait at least 18 months to make major decisions like selling a home or moving to a senior facility. When we are grieving, making decisions is difficult and often the outcome of those decisions is not optimal. However, when an estate is getting settled and the personal property must be either distributed or otherwise dispensed with, those decisions must be made almost immediately. There is little choice in the matter.
Also, it is appalling how little we can expect to get when selling things through an estate sale. It is pennies on the dollar of what was paid for these precious items.
Your advice is excellent, take more! You can always make the choice later to sell or donate items that you may decide not to keep, but you will not have a second chance to recover items that you wish you had taken.
Question: I am dealing with the personal property left in my brother’s estate. He has wonderful art and collectibles. Many of us – his siblings, nieces and nephews, want the same pieces. While the items are not necessarily valuable, money-wise, we are not sure how to “evenly divide” these things amongst ourselves.
Answer: Try the “Round Robin” method. The first step is to make a list of all the art and collectibles. Then put everyone’s name in a hat and draw out the names in order. The first name drawn chooses an item from the list first, the second name drawn chooses second and so on. You go through the names in order as many times as needed until all items on the list have been chosen.
Liza Horvath has over 30 years of experience in the estate planning and trust fields and is a licensed professional fiduciary. Liza currently serves as president of Monterey Trust Management. This is not intended to be legal or tax advice. If you have a question, call (831) 646-5262 or email liza@montereytrust.com
