DEAR MISS MANNERS: My neighbors bought a third vehicle for their family. Because their driveway is narrow, they have begun parking two of their vehicles to the side of the drive, on the lawn toward the side of my front yard.
When a family in this part of the world has too many cars for the driveway, the usual procedure is to construct a rock or shell “off-parking pad” that clearly delineates where vehicles are to be parked and keeps the lawns from being torn up when wet. My neighbors have not constructed any sort of containment area, and I have noticed that their parking is gradually creeping forward and getting closer and closer to my front lawn.
I don’t want to start a feud over this problem, but I also don’t want my neighbors parking on my lawn.
GENTLE READER: It is challenging to forestall anticipated bad behavior, because it means accusing people of things they have not actually done.
“Near your garden” and “in your garden” are different, in both law and etiquette.
The solution is to establish boundaries — usually metaphorically, but in your case, also literally. Build a fence, plant a bush or provide a strip of bare dirt or gravel — something that will at least make it clear when an infraction has occurred, and preferably will give warning before it does.
Miss Manners recognizes your desire to take more active measures, but she assures you that the sudden appearance of a boundary marker will not pass unnoticed.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of my best friends enjoys showing her love with gifts. We have children who are the same age, and she sends my children a gift for every holiday: Valentine’s Day, St. Patrick’s Day, Easter, Fourth of July, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas, plus birthdays.
I used to reciprocate, which I know she greatly appreciated, but now I find the time, effort and cost to be too stressful. And to be honest, I feel that eight gifts a year per child is excessive.
My husband and I decided we will only send gifts for birthdays and Christmas. I wanted to have a conversation with her about it, but was afraid she would be insulted. So I thought she would get the hint when I stopped sending the extra gifts, but that hasn’t happened either.
What is the best way to manage this situation? We appreciate her generosity, but feel overwhelmed by it.
GENTLE READER: Giving eight gifts per year to the children of a friend does seem excessive, even without knowing the specific number of children involved.
While you know your friend best, Miss Manners would not have been surprised that scaling back your own largesse, without explanation, was too subtle for her. And if she is unaware of your feelings, she may take offense at the suspension of reciprocity.
Tell her you are overwhelmed by her generosity over the years, but now that the children are growing up, it is time to scale back. She is more likely to be disappointed than insulted, which is why stressing your gratitude (without giving ground) is the approach most likely to succeed.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
